A new year!
It’s amazing how different things have been this year
compared to last year. I’m at the same school, studying with the same
professors, and focusing on the same things: music and pool. But yet things
couldn’t be more different, new friends, roommates, and colleagues. Combine
that with a new work ethic and renewed focus and passion and this year can’t be
any more different from the last. I am disappointed in myself for letting last
year decay into the awful musical, personal, and emotional hellhole that it
gradually descended into, but I can’t change how things were in the past—al I
can do is look forward.
And damn, does looking forward feel good. I still have no
idea where I will be next year, although there are some faint outlines of
potential living situations coming to at the edge of my vision, but I’m still
learning how to revel in this open-ended freedom. Friends and family continue
to tell me that things will work out, that if I work hard and just keep doing
what I do something will happen, and I’m starting to believe them. So much can
happen in just one short year and the only way to let good things happen is to
leave a space open in your life for new experiences to fill. In the past this
space felt like a void, a black hole that desperately needed to be occupied by
something, anything. But I’m realizing now these aren’t negative spaces, they
aren’t terrible things to be avoided, but rather they are opportunities,
openings for future endeavors. This does not imply freedom and empty time, the
space isn’t temporal as this is the busiest year of my life so far. It’s a
mindset, a thought process, and a willingness to say ‘yes’ to something new and
different.
Who knows where I will wind up when I’m open to going
somewhere new.
Boom.
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